Letting go is hard to do

Sometimes letting go is hard to do

Especially when you are stubborn

Being as sick as I was with PTSD for so long it makes me look back and realize there were times I really failed at being a good friend to people that deserved better from me

It hurts me, rolls over and over in my stomach, I toss and turn on it,  wishing I had a time machine. It hurts because I know I failed to show people that meant a lot to me that I cared. It hurts because I know I hurt them.

Letting go is part of healing right? 

Veggie chili is going in the crock pot

The leaves are changing color

I spent a wonderful Saturday volunteering at my sister's fall festival and hanging out with my parents and all their furry friends

I got to go to a theater costume sale with great friends and drink coffee

In general Autumn is here and I couldn't be happier

Long dog

Let me tell you a story about a little, ok not so little, long dog

Scout the long dog

We found her, desperately running up to cars when she could spot people in them. She was dirty, covered in buggies, thin and hungry.

It was a town called Friendship ironically,  seriously it's a real town. We watched her avoid being ran over a few times before we could get to her. She hopped right in the car, put herself in my lap, proceeded to puke all over me, and ever since then we have been inseparable.

I think the secret to good canine human friendships is allowing yourself to be a puke rag.

I love this silly smiley hound with all my heart. Everyday I come home she rushes to the door to meet me. She always wants to sit on my lap despite the fact she weighs 50lbs.

Dogs really are magic. She helps my anxiety so much. She gets me out to explore things, like farmers markets, walks in historic neighborhoods, and dog park adventures. 

Life just wouldn't be the same without her antics. 

One Week an Herbivore

As promised a week in review of trying the vegetarian life.

The first week was really easy, no cravings for meat and no temptation was too strong for my new found herbivore strength.

I did have some problems with balancing my meals and make them fulfilling and nutritious. I ran into problems of loading up only on pasta or potatoes. But after a few day I got in the swing of it. I think my favorite recipe I tried had to be butternut squash casserole.

I did cave today though to the sweet siren song of chicken strips...because they are the ultimate comfort food for me

But I am back on track and planning out my meals.

One thing I love about this is it has me back in the kitchen. I love to cook and create in my kitchen and I have been cooking more this week and it really makes me feel good about myself. It makes our little apartment feel more comfy. Nothing really helps you unwind after a long day than creating something and having your home full of the smell of spices and warmth.

I was going to do an in depth piece about my week as a vegetarian but I discovered that Digimon Tamers was on Netflix and sticker shopped on red bubble and behold it is now 1am and I have to be up in 5 hours to go to my weekend job.

I promise to be an adult tomorrow because apparently I just spent the evening reliving my pre-teen years with certified less angst

Eat Your Veggies Matey!

I'm challenging myself to trying the vegetarian lifestyle.

I'm not a huge meat eater to begin with, so cutting it out of my diet the past two days has not been hard at all and I really don't miss it. I'm finding myself fuller and less snacky too.

I'll post the whole week's experience on Sunday as well as my favorite recipes from the week.

If anyone has any suggestions, tricks, tips feel free to comment! This is a journey I am excited to take and grow with.

No more apologies

I did a big thing this morning.

I wore an outfit that I usually would never wear. It hugged a little to much to my tummy.

I looked in the mirror and felt that all too familiar dance of nerves in my stomach, that negative voice "your too big, your too fat,  look how it hugs all that extra fluff"

I replied to that negative nancy voice with a big FUCK YOU.

I felt cute, I felt comfy and ready to go grocery shopping.

I won't apologize for my body anymore. I have nothing to apologize for. I will not continue to justify remarks regarding my size with my full medical record of clean health minus chronic stomach issues and muscle pain.

There is nothing to apologize for, my body is beautiful, my body is strong, my hips move and shake, my arms give amazing hugs to whoever needs. My tummy jiggles when I laugh deep and loud.

I love every part of my body, I want to set an example to my younger sister, I don't want her to hate what she sees in the mirror for years and years. To make excuses to not go swimming with friends because my bathing suit seemed like a monster I was forced to fight.

I want her to always love her body, love what she sees in the mirror, to not avoid doing things because she has been made to feel ashamed of her body.

All bodies are beautiful, all bodies are amazing and are of value.

I won't apologize for my body anymore, I will love it, I will cherish it, I will praise it.

I hope you do the same